Day 30:

"In times of great stress or adversity, it's always best to keep busy, to plow your anger and your energy into something positive."

The last week has been very trying in many different aspects.  There has been much change which has created a lot of fuss in the world.  There have been things changed at our work places and change in rules or laws or whatever little change has taken in place in my life and in yours.  But tonight I realized that we complain and stress over some change that has affected to us, but then I turn on the news and see that Japan is suffering like none of us can even imagine.  Their country is in ruins after the largest most powerful earth quake in their history.  Over $35 BILLION in damages, not to mention the thousands of lives lost - men, women, children, WHOLE families, swept away in an instant.

I realize some little change in my life is nothing like what these people are experiencing right now.  I know we all have little things that stress us out or just bug the shit out of us, but just tell yourself that it could be worse.  You or me or anyone could have been affected like these poor folks have.  So today I will not blog about my stress at work or my stress with finances or my stress with killing Big Fred, but we should just be thankful we have our lives and a job and people who love us.

Days 25-29:

It has been a few days since my last post.  Just haven't been able to get to the Internet box to update yal.  Things are going great; I have killed off another 7 life points of Big Fred.  So that brings me to a total of 27 life points, just killing Big Fred one day at a time!  He started with 157 band is now down to 130!!!

Not a whole lot else new, unfortunately I haven't been able to make it to my morning beatings of Big Fred, so he has been getting by easy this week, but I kinda feel like it's time for that to catch up to him. I heard the N.E.R.D calling his name.  I will honestly try tomorrow to wake my ass up! lol

I have kept Big Fred's diet the same basically, however I have been feeding him some different supplements to keep him from bleeding all over the N.E.R.D.  So I will try to keep ya posted more often, and of course any feedback or suggestions are much appreciated!

People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily.

Day 24:

Wow 24 days so far.  I am pleasantly surprise I have been able to keep it up this long.  Torture and punishment aren't some of my strong suits.   Day was another successful day even though I didn't wake up early enough to torture Big Fred before work.  I found that I really enjoy using the N.E.R.D. machine on Big Fred for his punishment.  In case you aren't familiar with the N.E.R.D. machine, which can be found at any local "Y", it stands for "Never Ending Running Doohickey".  The name speaks for it self, basically I run Big Fred until he can't take it anymore, until he is screaming for mercy, until I can actually see his shin splints forming stress fractures in his lower legs!

Today I also beat Big Fred at one of his own games.  He had contracted my manager to try and sabotage me.  My manager came to me today with what might be considered my version of kryptonite...  those delicious Girl Scout cookies commonly known as SAMOA's!  The quite possibly are the best cookie ever invented; the sweet cookies covered in caramel and toasted coconut, then drizzled in chocolate.... OMG!  But as quickly as I feel in love with these cookies, I had realized it was a ruse.  So I declined the magnificent offer as if I hadn't caught on, as who knows what could have been in those cookies... arsenic, zyklon B, white phosphorus, or even tetramethylenedisulfotetramine. I'm on to you Big Fred.

So tomorrow is another day, and I am seriously going to try to get my ass up at 4:45am to have enough time to get Big Fred a little more acquainted with senor N.E.R.D.

So long and good night!

Days 22 & 23:

So, a lot of you don't know how this hate for Big Fred came about, so I'd like to shine some light on this whole fiasco...

I wasn't always friends with Big Fred; in fact I didn't even meet Big Fred until I moved from Michigan to California in the winter of 1995 or so.  I don't know if it was just meant to be, like genetics, or if it was stress do to moving so far from where I had called home for 9 years of my life or stress from being the new kid in school.  But Big Fred and I gradually became friends and we were inseparable.  We would do everything together; play video games, watch TV, eat ice cream, and even sleep together (in a completely heterosexual way).  But I soon noticed that with Big Fred around it seemed like it was hard to make friends.  Most kids would just laugh at us and reluctantly pick us last for kickball.  Don’t get me wrong; I did have friends and usually a couple of 'em at a time.  By no means was I a loner. 

Big Fred seemed to be holding me back from things I wanted to do and in high school it really started to get to me.  I had always wanted to be the star quarterback or the fastest track runner but because of Big Fred is was defaulted to the offensive line on the football team and the only track/field event that I could do was shot put... and who really just wants to throw metal balls around all day, eff that!  One time I went to Six Flags with Big Fred and my friend Tony; I remember trying to get on one of the roller coasters that had those shoulder harnesses and because Big Fred had to sit by me we barely were able to get the harness over us...  I almost was unable to ride a roller coaster because of this DAMN Big Fred. 

I had tried several times to "break up" with Big Fred, but he never got the hint, I tried and tried and tried.  So finally I just gave up on it and gave into Big Fred's needy love interest.  UNTIL NOW...

So that gives you a little background into the lives of Big Fred and myself.  As you can see Big Fred needs to go, I cannot have him affecting my life with my baby girls and wife.  I will periodically post some of these "fond" (note the sarcasm) memories of Big Fred and I to remind myself of all the pain he has caused me! 

I will leave you tonight with this quote, by an unknown author, to ponder as you head off to bed... "Many of the great achievements of the world were accomplished by tired and discouraged men who kept on working."

Day 21:

Just another typical Sunday.  Took it easy today, let Big Fred have a day off.  But tomorrow its on... 

Days 19 & 20:

Even though Big Fred kept me from our morning punishments I was still able to carry out those deeds three times this week and will hope to do it more frequent next week.

Some have recently brought it to my attention that Big Fred may not be getting the nutrition and vitamins he needs to survive.  I know the plan is to kill Big Fred, but it cannot happen over night.  So I took their advice and bought a multi-vitamin pack from the Costco this weekend.  

That's all I have for the last couple days.  Will keep you all posted if anything new comes about.  Oh Big Fred did smash my big toe this past week causing similar symptoms to what is commonly known as "Turf Toe".  So we'll see how this affects my torture plans for next week.

Day 17 & 18

I would first like to apologize to all of my followers and fans, (hahaha ok Paul) that it has been a couple days since my last post...

There are many different types of warfare; conventional, nuclear, biological, chemical, radiological, cyber, but quite possibly the most difficult type of warfare to understand is "mental warfare".  Mental warfare is the distortion of the enemy's perception of reality through disinformation, ambiguous posturing, and/or severing of the communication/information infrastructure.  It seems that Big Fred is a master of mental warfare.  All week I have been vowing to get up in the early AM to carry out the physical punishments on Big Fred, but each day he has successfully stopped me.  But nonetheless I still have carried out these physical torture regiments 3 times this week!  But my goal for next week is to spend a little more time with Mr. Big Fred... if you know what I mean ;-)

I feel like I need to lower the amount of nutrition that Big Fred gets... but I am not sure that it would be the right thing to do at this point.  He basically is fed one homemade low Cal breakfast sandwich (egg, cheese, ham, on wheat bread... total WW pts. = 10) and for lunch he gets either string cheese/fruit or sometimes chicken on wheat crackers (WW pts. = 4) and random small dinners consisting or veggies, chicken, low carb wheat pastas.  So I know he is getting enough nutrition, but it might just be right on the boarder of too little and just right.  Plus he is forced to consume massive amounts of water, typically 1.5-2 gallons a day.  So I think I will leave him where he is at for now, until I start killing off more of him.

"One day you will take a fork in the road, and you’re going to have to make a decision about which direction you want to go. If you go one way, you can be somebody. And in life there is often a roll call, that’s when you have to make a decision: to be or to do.”

Day 16:

So this morning I was supposed to take Big Fred out for some torture, but he must have slipped something in my drink because at quarter to five this morning when the alarm went off I didn't even hear it.  Whatever he slipped must have wore off by quarter to six as, luckily, I was up in time to make it to work when I was supposed to.  But that damn Fred has really gotten to me.  I cannot be this vulnerable... tomorrow I will set a double alarm to ensure that I am able to get us out of the house to continue with the physical torture.

Not really much else new... just continuing with the prison style meals to just keep Big Fred nourished enough to keep him well; until I am done with him that is.  I don't really know of what else I can do to slowly kill off Big Fred.  So I am asking for any advise you have or ideas for specific torture regiments etc.  Help me kill Big Fred!

Day 15:

Charles Darwin once said, "A man who dares to waste one hour of time has not discovered the value of life." And he was right.  Why waste time doing nothing when you could be doing something.  So today instead of trying to find a meaningless show on the ole boob tube, I decided to take my wife with me today to help torture Big Fred.  We went to the house of pain were we proceeded to show Big Fred what pain is all about.  We tested his endurance on the "don't stop running or you'll land on your face and that shit will hurt" machine!  Then we decided to play another game of horse and the wife kicked both Big Fred's and my ass! Nonetheless Big Fred was so tired he could hardly stand... yet another successful torture concourse.  

Big Fred's diet is proving to be an easy item to track.  I think he has grown accustom to the small amounts of nutrition that I feed him.  Which is fine, because it's just enough to make sure he lives just enough for another day of torture.

Tomorrow morning I think I will go another round with Big Fred.  He is getting a little cocky so it's best to just beat it out of him.  

And like our bow-tie wearing cartoon hog friend always said "Th-Th-Th- That's All Folks!" 

PS... here is an inside look at Big Fred when he isn't being tortured!

 

Quick Weekend Update - Days 13 & 14

A very successful weekend, Big Fred was kept under control and had no major out bursts.   Everyday is still a battle that must be won and I have proven to be a merciless warrior - so much so that I soon will join the ranks of the greatest warriors to ever walk this planet, right beside King Leonidas I and Alexander the Great!

I will continue with my torture tomorrow morning.  Maybe we will make Big Fred run more than a half-mile, we'll see.  Well its quite late and I must get my beauty rest.  

Until tomorrow - c'est la vie! 

Day 12:

I had another AMAZINGLY successful day!  Started off by fighting the urge to sleep in... so I made it to the "Y" to start the day off with about 45 minutes of torture for Big Fred. I proceeded by forcing Big Fred into a half mile run, then forced him to lift his body weight until his arms couldn’t take it any longer, and I ended his daily torture with a quick game of horse... and I kicked his ass! H.O.R.S.E. to H!  WOOT WOO!  So much like the Greek mythological story of Sisyphus, who was a king punished by being compelled to roll an immense boulder up a hill - only to watch it roll back down and to repeat this throughout eternity, I will continue this routine until I finish off Big Fred!

Also, in case you were wondering... I was able to ignore the calls of the best pizza ever!  It arrived at work around 1130am today, the smell was outstanding... the deep dish steaming and the thin crust smothered with toppings... oh what a sight that only the gods could have made.  Big Fred was fighting me hard, begging me to feed him. But I resisted.  I held strong to my word.  This was one of the biggest battles that I have had to fight in thus far in my journey, but I never gave in!

Webster defines success as a favorable or desired outcome... so by definition my day was most definitely a SUCCESS! So now I will commence the horn tooting and self-back-patting! YAAAAY

Day 11:

So I didn't make it to the "Y" this morning, but tomorrow I will definitely do it.  Big Fred is more under control than he has ever been and today was another easy day.  I continued the same dietary regiment and continued to get Big Fred acclimated with large amounts of dihydrogen monoxide.  

However, tomorrow I will be faced with another demon... pizza! And not just any pizza, but the original Chicago style deep dish from Uno’s pizza!  In case you didn't know, I am (was) a HUGE pizza fan!  I could eat pizza everyday... breakfast, lunch, and dinner... NO LIE! So tomorrow I will attempt to ignore the calls of need from my former love interest.  This will be a true test of my will to kill off Big Fred.  I had thought about splurging and having some, but I feel that if I indulge in her needy love that I will fall off the horse, so to speak.

Something that I do often is read quotes from the great speakers and philosophers of our time and times past.  I really think about these quotations or versus and take what I can from them, which is why I try to end my day with a special quote to fall asleep to.  So with tomorrow in mind this quotation from an unknown author seems suitable.  Enjoy... 

The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking places.

Day 10:

So today I was thinking about those old school Sega and PlayStation fighting games like Mortal Combat or Street Fighter and it had occurred to me that Big Fred and I are like Ryu and Ken or Subzero and Scorpion.  So I decided to put a health level like in the game to Big Fred.  So when I first started my quest to rid myself of Big Fred his health or life level was at 157.  As of today I hooked him up to the "electronic life level viewer" at the "Y" and found that his life level was now down to only 138!!! Which for those who aren't math savvy is a difference of 19 life level points!!! So that is great news for me... I have killed off 13% of Big Fred so far!

I have decided to try to perform some acts of torture to Big Fred in the early AM.  So starting tomorrow we will visit the "Y" to start up this new torture regiment.  I am very excited and pleased with my progress.  I am typically a pretty humble guy, but this is a major step in my new life!

I bid you adieu. 

Day 9:

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.  This task of killing Big Fred isn't something that can successfully be done overnight.  I have dreamt that it could be done and over with in a nights time, or with a simple wish on the 1st star seen at night, or on a penny tossed into a fountain, or even taking a trip to Egypt with my pet monkey Abu and stumbling across a magic lamp giving me 3 wishes allowing 1 wish to make Big Fred disappear.  But alas, this task must be done the hard way or it wont be a success.  So I will continue to fight with Big Fred everyday until I have accomplished the task at hand.

The last week or so I have really paused for a sec to reflect on life.  Like what in life is controllable and what isn't.  You can let the uncontrollables dictate how you live your life.  And what’s even better is that there are things that you can control; you can take power and own up to something!  So I say goodnight by leaving you with this message...

When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive - to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.

Day 8:

So this week I feel like I need to do something new, or change up my scheme... I don’t know what it is that I need to change, I just feel like I need to take Big Fred's punishment up to the next level... I am thinking of putting Big Fred to the test... at the 25th letter in the basic modern Latin alphabet and represents either a vowel or a consonant in English. Yes that's right the infamous YMCA or as it's now called simply the "Y"!!!

Today Big Fred as able to subdue me by causing agonizing back pain due to herniated disk that is pinching my lumbar nerve roots that form my sciatic nerve.  I took a few Aleve and all pain has surrendered.  

I continue to be successful with monitoring and limiting Big Fred diet.  Mainly I try to feed Big Fred just 2 regular meals a day (breakfast and dinner) and have small snacks (fruit, veggies, etc.) between the meals.

"To conquer oneself is a greater task than to conquer others." ~Buddha

Day 7:

Just another day with Big Fred... the weekends weren't so bad trying to manage his punishments.  I have gotten comfortable managing his portions and will continue with the water (dihydrogen monoxide).  There isn't a whole lot to say about today.  Just another day won for myself.

I would like to try to get to the physical punishments this week, but we'll see how that goes.  Its hard to manage school, work, and the physical punishments into a daily routine.  But who knows, maybe I'll find a schedule that works.  

Off to bed for the night so Big Fred doesn't try to sneak in any bedtime snacks!

Day 6:

It was my first weekend with Big Fred... to be honest I was nervous about how the day would go.  But I held strong and kept my head on straight.  No over indulging or letting Big Fred get the best of me.  

This is becoming a lot easier as the days pass... I don't feel regret or the need to let Big Fred free!  It must have been the training that I did last month.  I have tried to do Big Fred in before, numerous times... and each time Big Fred was able to weasel his way out of it.

I am at a point of my life that giving up just doesn't seem right.  I have decided to go back to school to pursue my Bachelors degree in graphic design and I wont give up on that.  And there is no way in hell that I am giving up on killing Big Fred!

Until tomorrow...

Day 5:

Today... hmmm not a whole lot I can say about today.  It was a long and tedious day... it seems as if Big Fred teamed up with the world to try to overpower me; the nagging world full of negativity and unnecessary rules of confinement.  

But nonetheless, I stood strong and kept my goals in mind.  Big Fred will die and nothing will keep me from committing this necessary act of murder!

My goal for today was to force Big Fred to consume the dihydrogen monoxide in large amounts throughout the day... and I will continue this deed until I am done with Big Fred. In the end my hard work and dedication will be most certainly for the better.

"Discipline is the foundation upon which all success is built. Lack of discipline inevitably leads to failure."

Day 4:

I was gracious today... Big Fred was fed one of his favorite meals... the Bootlegger sub from Jimmy Johns; but no soda or chips were allowed... and I have to admit; it is a damn good sandwich!  But nonetheless, Big Fred's other meals were cut down to make up for the difference in the caloric intake.  You see, my main method of killing Big Fred will be basically starvation.  But I do have some other methods of torture that I will implement as well.  But for now, we will starve him!

Tomorrow we will test out a new method of affliction... death by dihydrogen monoxide.  Big Fred will be forced to consume the most common liquid on the planet in large, yet safe, amounts each day. This will keep him hydrated so that the other methods of twinge will be able to be carried out effectively.

Day 3:

I hardly heard from Big Fred today, maybe he was just overwhelmed with yesterdays punishments or maybe I just didn’t want to hear from him.


As the days get easier and shorter I begin to think of what life will be like without Big Fred.  I know it will mean so much for myself and my family to finally be able to live a stress free lifestyle.  My two little girls will definitely reap the benefits of the killing of Big Fred.  I will be able to play with them, unimpeded, until they are old and grey like myself!


They say that when a new life is brought into this world another life is taken.  And from what I gather it works in the reverse as well; taking Big Fred from this planet is going to bring a new life into it... my new life, a life of great memories and happiness with my family.


I will continue to log my trials and tribulations in my crusade to eliminate Big Fred.

Day 2:

It's day two in my quest to destroy Big Fred and I am feeling great about it; very motivated and ready to obliterate him. I am limiting his food intake, only feeding him the necessities. Though he fights and cries out for more, I will not give in to his demands for nourishment...

What a successful day it was! Over the course of the last month I have been training my body to fight and ignore the pain of battle that I knew I would need to endure in my quest for the destruction of Big Fred.  It's part mental and part physical, but the training really has paid off dividends. Thus far I have been able to capture and subdue Big Fred, and now the regimen may begin...

Day 1:

Today is the day that Big Fred begins to die.  To give you a little background on this... "Big Fred" has been torturing me since about the 3rd grade; holding me back from being able to live a normal healthy life.  Big Fred has caused kids to make fun of me, choose me last for kickball, and mandate that I play on the offensive line in football.  I have had it with Big Fred, so I have decided to kill him!  Over the next 6-7 months, I am going to repay Big Fred the favor… grueling torture, starvation, and ultimately the demise of Big Fred!


Tonight Fred attempted to get the best of me, but I stood strong and didn't give into his gluttonous wants.


Tomorrow I will not give Fred an opportunity to overcome my goal!